SIMON UTEBOR writes about the importance of getting the go-ahead from parents before marriage
For lovers intending to marry, it’s believed that parental consent is important. Marriage is defined as the union between spouses establishing rights and obligations between them.
However, it’s believed that some lovebirds, critical of their parents or guardians’ disapproval, may not care about their parents’ consent before getting married.
An Isoko man from Delta State, Nicholas Onojovo (coined name), met his fiancée identified only as Chidera from a state in the South-East three years ago and they later married.
Onojovo said, “Chidera decided we keep our relationship a secret, but I refused and urged her to let her family know about it. She told me she knew her family would not support the relationship. I kept urging her and she finally informed her family. But her parents, who are traditionalists, rejected her decision.
“I told her not to give up since we are in love. We feel we are old enough to get married, hence we have decided to marry. But her parents have refused to bless the union.”
However, the view of a lawyer, Mrs Dise Ogbise, appears to comfort Onojovo.
Ogbise, who is the Chairman, Nigerian Bar Association, Sagbama branch, Bayelsa State, stated, “Legally, once a person is 18 years, he or she has the right to choose whom his or her life partner should be.
“In view of this, parental consent is immaterial as an adult can decide to marry whoever they wish to marry even when there is opposition from their parents.” She, however, said the only disadvantage was that they wouldn’t get their parents’ blessing.
Ogbise said there were cases of couples who didn’t get the blessing of their parents and were still happily married, stressing that eventually, such parents later accepted their kids they earlier rejected.
She added, “Let me also add that there are customs that require parental consent and if a couple decide to subject themselves to such customs, especially as they have no plans of getting married under the Marriage Act, then, they will be subjected to getting parental consent before they marry.
“Underage marriage requires parental consent but we know that child marriage is highly prohibited under the Child Rights Act.”
A married man, Mr Ahmed Gbenga, said marriage by lovers without parental consent was not only an unfortunate development but a taboo in the country’s culture.
Gbenga, who is a broadcast journalist based in Benin City, Edo State, said such development showed the level of moral decadence in society.
He said, “The parents, too, have their own part of the problems. Some of them do not work hard to bring up their children in an acceptable manner. The lazy ones depend completely on their children. In such a case, they have no say in the affairs of their children.
“The boy or girl child can just come and tell daddy and mummy, ‘see the person I want to marry’ and that is all. They do not care about the family background of the person they want to marry.”
A public affairs commentator, identified only as Idowu, described parental consent as essential before lovers could marry.
Idowu said his standpoint was informed by challenges in marriage, noting that if a marriage had problems, the couples would run to their parents.
“Marriage is not all rosy. If a marriage has problems and the issues are going beyond something that can be handled at home, one’s parents will step in. But if one doesn’t have the consent and blessing of one’s parents, where does one run to?” he stated.
On his part, a Warri-based businessman, Kolawole Joseph, believed that no lovers, no matter the professed level of affinity, should marry without parental consent.
He said marriage could be marred by failure to get parental approval, explaining that marriage could not be done in a vacuum.
Joseph added, “Marriage comprises two families – the male’s parents and the female’s parents. One cannot marry in a vacuum; it has to be inclusive. People have to witness the marriage.”
Also, a married man, Oluyemi James, said parental consent was always difficult to obtain in a broken home.
James said, “In a broken home, it is usually tough, especially if the separated or divorced partners have found love elsewhere.”
A Muslim cleric, Alhaji Rasak Sotomi, described marriage without parents’ consent or approval as null.
Sotomi noted that it was not the best for lovers to marry without parental consent, saying the consent would form the basis of their marriage.
The cleric said, “I believe that consent should come first; that will form the basis of their married life. From the perspective of Islam, the Quaran specifies that children should seek their parents’ consent before they marry.
“Therefore, anybody who does not follow this instruction, goes against the will of Allah. It is my advice that lovers should seek their parents’ consent before marrying so that it will be well with them. Parental consent is absolutely important for a successful marriage.
“You do not defy your parents when it comes to issue of marriage. If they fail to do so, the consequences are very grave – you know our parents have spiritual control over us.”
He also said seeking one’s parents’ consent would also enable the parents to do discreet investigation into the family backgrounds of the intending spouses.
Sotomi said such background checks could expose certain things hidden from the lovers, perhaps blinded by love.
“From such research, the parents will be able to get knowledge of the families – whether such a family has history of disease, early death, witchcraft and other issues hidden from the lovers,” the cleric said.
A marriage counsellor, Pastor Nicholas Zion, explained that the Bible teaches children to honour their parents.
He believes that one should obey them, adding that obeying every instruction they give could however change as one grows.
Zion stated, “It has to be understood that adult children are not their parents’ property and are therefore free to make their own decisions, including marital decisions.
“But if your parents are opposed to your choice because your fiance (é) for whatever reason, then it is time to listen very closely to what they have to say. The Bible does not approve of anyone disobeying their parents.
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